Is He First?
Original Image from Proverbs 31 Ministries
Jesus, my All in All. A friend asked me today "Are you putting HIM first in your life? Before your husband, before your children, before your stuff?" As I sat there proudly boasting my "I AM SECOND" bracelet as I just got out of my van with the "I AM SECOND" bumper sticker on it, I thought "Yeah, yes, yes I am!!!". Our conversation then took us across many other topics, all the while, the Lord ever so gently tapping me on the shoulder and whispering in my ear. "Am I REALLY first?" He whispered. "OF COURSE LORD!!!" I boldly retorted.
Then He ever so gently reminded me of some recent "things" I have said, done or thought about. A few days ago, I posted on my personal Facebook page: "You will never hear me complain about the heat, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Summer". He reminded me that yes I do love summer, but it is easy not to complain about the heat when you are typing this blog post in an air conditioned room, have a lake to jump in a few hundred yards away, have fresh COLD water coming out of your tap into a cup that you have filled with ice from you electric freezer, and your husband is in the process of setting up a small personal pool for you and your children. He reminded me how he has been prompting me to go on a mission trip to Kenya to visit a school for over 450 children that live where there is no running water, no toilets, no air conditioning, and if they are blessed to eat one meal a day. Will you love Summer when the heat makes the stench of the raw sewage fill the air and into your pores? Do you think you will LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Summer when you are in those conditions? I will admit, I won't. Do you know that the people that run that school and the children that live there, have absolutely NOTHING? Do you know that THEY always put the LORD first and foremost? He is their EVERYTHING.
He reminded me how He showed me a family recently that lost everything, including a mother/wife, an entire life's work and over two million dollars. Although they lost everything, they were more at peace that any other family I ever met. When they lost everything, they put only one thing in their line of vision. They didn't weep for the "stuff", they clung to the ONLY thing that can give us hope and peace. It is not the "stuff" of this world that will ever give us that kind of peace. They only turned to the ONE who gave them the "stuff" to begin with. They now travel around in a camper, ministering to other people all over the east coast of the United States with their music, dance and glorious testimony. They even said that they had no idea when the last recession happened in our country, because they are not dependent on anything monetary or of this world. They don't need "stuff", they have HIM.
Then He reminded me of another blogger that I have been following for a while. She is a fellow homeschooler, but more of the nomadic type. She and her husband gave up everything they owned to live a nomadic lifestyle with their five beautiful children. They sometimes went for many days with no electricity, took baths in a metal bucket heated over a fire and lived on the road. They gave up all of their "stuff" to live free and follow Him. They lived this lifestyle for the past several years. However, in a horribly sad and sudden incident, their youngest child of 6 months drowned in a river and his father is being charged with murder. WHAT? You scream, WHAT???? Yes, it is true. Over the last few weeks I have been reading through my own tears, as her raw emotions pour onto a computer screen. Guess who she is turning to in this storm? As she blogs her way through her tragedy with so much pure love and confidence of where her baby boy is IN GLORY, she has gotten an onslaught of nasty remarks and comments. However, she has found her peace and refuge in the ONLY one who can give it to her. She has no "stuff", she can't turn to her husband, she can't turn to the world, she can only turn to the ONE.
My friend had asked me if God was first when I was going through my battle with cancer. I said "Absolutely. However, HE just was THERE. It was easy. I didn't make a conscious decision to put Him first then, He JUST WAS FIRST." She said, "Well, He is still THERE. Why isn't He first now?" Hmmmmm....why? I don't know. It was easy when I first became a believer too, when He pulled me from such a pit of darkness and despair. My testimony how He delivered me from that pit, however, is a story for another time.
Do you think it is easier when you are in a storm? Is it easier when you have to cling to Him when your life DEPENDS on it? Oh, how easy it is for me to SAY that He is FIRST and the MOST IMPORTANT thing in my life, when everything is going good. It is easy to SAY that Jesus is First, as I am tethered to my husband, my children, my home, my "stuff" and the things of this world.
Do you think it is easier when you are in a storm? Is it easier when you have to cling to Him when your life DEPENDS on it? Oh, how easy it is for me to SAY that He is FIRST and the MOST IMPORTANT thing in my life, when everything is going good. It is easy to SAY that Jesus is First, as I am tethered to my husband, my children, my home, my "stuff" and the things of this world.
As I was just finishing that last sentence, the thunder just sounded loudly out my window, I panicked for a moment thinking the power might go out. HA, HA....so dependent on my "stuff".
My "stuff", aka known as power, is probably about to go out for a while, so I will finish up. In my heart of hearts, I want to put the Lord first. However, I would be lying if I said I wanted to go through any of the storms I mentioned to be able to accomplish it. I pray that He shows me how to AXE through the tether of my "stuff" (stole that line from my pastor...) and be completely and 100% dependent on Him, even when I am not in a storm. I want HIM to BE first, not for me just to SAY He is first. I pray the same for each and every set of eyes that are reading this.
Until my power is restored.....Lumpy Out!
****Addendum to this post: 7/20/12: I have had a few people say some things that made me realize that maybe I was not clear about what my point was in this post. I am certainly NOT saying that only the poor and desolate can put God first. I am certainly NOT saying if you are wealthy, you are NOT a good Christian. I was talking about your heart attachment to "stuff", not your actual accumulation of stuff. I was mostly speaking of my own "attachments" to my riches. The question in my mind is "if I had to give it all up to follow God's leading for my life, could I?" Am I too attached to wanting more "stuff" that I am not giving God my FIRST? It is EASY to say that I could or that I do, but do I really do it in reality? In regard to things other then material belongings, do I just squeeze in a scripture reading once a week or do I truly take the time to spend with the Lord on a daily basis? Do I get so caught up in the business of life ( taking care of my house, my children, my husband), that I don't take the time to spend with the Lord on a regular basis? Do I truly seek what He wants for my life or do I let my own self center-ness control what I do, buy, and say? I hope that clarifies what I meant! Please remember that these are only the random ramblings of a lumpy piece of clay. I am only rambling here from the potter's wheel, I am NOT judging or putting the desires or the thoughts of my heart on anyone else. It is just what I am thinking about!
****Addendum to this post: 7/20/12: I have had a few people say some things that made me realize that maybe I was not clear about what my point was in this post. I am certainly NOT saying that only the poor and desolate can put God first. I am certainly NOT saying if you are wealthy, you are NOT a good Christian. I was talking about your heart attachment to "stuff", not your actual accumulation of stuff. I was mostly speaking of my own "attachments" to my riches. The question in my mind is "if I had to give it all up to follow God's leading for my life, could I?" Am I too attached to wanting more "stuff" that I am not giving God my FIRST? It is EASY to say that I could or that I do, but do I really do it in reality? In regard to things other then material belongings, do I just squeeze in a scripture reading once a week or do I truly take the time to spend with the Lord on a daily basis? Do I get so caught up in the business of life ( taking care of my house, my children, my husband), that I don't take the time to spend with the Lord on a regular basis? Do I truly seek what He wants for my life or do I let my own self center-ness control what I do, buy, and say? I hope that clarifies what I meant! Please remember that these are only the random ramblings of a lumpy piece of clay. I am only rambling here from the potter's wheel, I am NOT judging or putting the desires or the thoughts of my heart on anyone else. It is just what I am thinking about!
P.S. If you want to know more about the ministry I AM SECOND... here is the link http://www.iamsecond.com/ or if you want to learn more about the family of musicians I spoke of, here is that link http://theskys.org/
The night darkness surrounded me completely. I could only feel the rocky ground beneath my feet and the steady sound of a drop of water hitting the ground in the silence. I wondered what the sound was, as I made my way toward it in an upward climb. My clothes felt like a long robe or trench coat type of garment, weighted down with many objects in the pockets. I couldn't see enough in the darkness to even make out what I was wearing. Step after step, I climbed upward on the rocky slope toward the sound of the droplets. The air was still and silent, except the steady beat of the drops, a few seconds between each one. I felt my way along with my feet until I reached a plateau of sorts. The dripping sound became louder and closer.
I sensed something was directly in front of me, but I could not make out any shape in the night. As I drew closer to the sound, I felt the need to fall to my knees. A voice, whether it was in my own head or if it was an actual voice I do not know, told me to reach in my pocket. My hand found a small, hard box, almost as heavy as a stone. As I pulled it out and closer to my face, I could make out a word. The word was one that described one of the most horrible things that I have ever done in my life. The word is to horrible to even type on this page as I write this account. I moved the box to the ground as close to the dripping sound as I could. As the box lay there before me, for the first time I could see the drip of red liquid. The drop splashed gently onto the little box, and in what seemed like a second or maybe a lifetime, the box vanished before my eyes. It was gone, just simply gone. My heart raced at the thought of it. Is it possible that "it" was really gone? I felt a little lighter as I again reached in my pocket. I found yet another box with another crime I had committed, clearly carved into the top. Again, the box disappeared as the red droplet splashed down. It seemed like an eternity had gone by, as I emptied dozens and dozens of boxes from the pockets of my garment. Each box held a name of the crimes I had been guilty of during my 32 years. Each box disappearing, disintegrating into oblivion with the steady drips in front of me. As I watched the last box disappear, the air began to lighten. I cautiously raised my eyes to the source of the drips to see His feet just above my head directly in front of me. A slow trickle of blood running down the outer part of His leg, pooling there for a moment and then a steady drop onto the rocky ground below Him. I fell forward onto my face, laying before Him, below the cross.
I don't know how much time went by as I laid beneath Him. I may have fallen asleep for five minutes or five hours. When I awoke, He was gone. The darkness had fleeted, and the sky was clear, crisp and blue. I was alone on the rocky hillside dressed in some type of white garment. My dark overcoat or robe that I wore earlier was gone. I reached into the pocket of this new garment, to find a pure, bright, sparkling piece of white paper that held my name. Just below my name was written in crimson, "Washed by the Blood of the Lamb".
That is all I remembered when I woke in my own bed the next morning. It was a dream beyond any dream that has ever danced in my head during my sleep. It was a dream that I have never forgotten. It was a dream that has defined my life from that day forward. I was washed. I was clean. The sins of my life turned to dust with one touch of His blood. Thank you Lord for showing me in a very literal way the awesome grace you have bestowed on me. It has been more then twelve years since that moment. I now live my life free of the guilt and the shame. I am free of my shackles.
My "white" garment continues to get stained with my sin and mistakes. I will never be sin free or perfect. However, if I return to the cross whenever I get a new box of shame in my pocket, it will always disappear with one drop of His blood. What an Amazing Grace.
*This a different post from some of my others, however I was moved to share this today for whatever reason or purpose. Maybe it was for YOUR eyes. If that is ringing true for YOU, please know the gift is a free one. All YOU have to do is go to the cross!
Lumpy Out-
THE DREAM
The night darkness surrounded me completely. I could only feel the rocky ground beneath my feet and the steady sound of a drop of water hitting the ground in the silence. I wondered what the sound was, as I made my way toward it in an upward climb. My clothes felt like a long robe or trench coat type of garment, weighted down with many objects in the pockets. I couldn't see enough in the darkness to even make out what I was wearing. Step after step, I climbed upward on the rocky slope toward the sound of the droplets. The air was still and silent, except the steady beat of the drops, a few seconds between each one. I felt my way along with my feet until I reached a plateau of sorts. The dripping sound became louder and closer.
I sensed something was directly in front of me, but I could not make out any shape in the night. As I drew closer to the sound, I felt the need to fall to my knees. A voice, whether it was in my own head or if it was an actual voice I do not know, told me to reach in my pocket. My hand found a small, hard box, almost as heavy as a stone. As I pulled it out and closer to my face, I could make out a word. The word was one that described one of the most horrible things that I have ever done in my life. The word is to horrible to even type on this page as I write this account. I moved the box to the ground as close to the dripping sound as I could. As the box lay there before me, for the first time I could see the drip of red liquid. The drop splashed gently onto the little box, and in what seemed like a second or maybe a lifetime, the box vanished before my eyes. It was gone, just simply gone. My heart raced at the thought of it. Is it possible that "it" was really gone? I felt a little lighter as I again reached in my pocket. I found yet another box with another crime I had committed, clearly carved into the top. Again, the box disappeared as the red droplet splashed down. It seemed like an eternity had gone by, as I emptied dozens and dozens of boxes from the pockets of my garment. Each box held a name of the crimes I had been guilty of during my 32 years. Each box disappearing, disintegrating into oblivion with the steady drips in front of me. As I watched the last box disappear, the air began to lighten. I cautiously raised my eyes to the source of the drips to see His feet just above my head directly in front of me. A slow trickle of blood running down the outer part of His leg, pooling there for a moment and then a steady drop onto the rocky ground below Him. I fell forward onto my face, laying before Him, below the cross.
I don't know how much time went by as I laid beneath Him. I may have fallen asleep for five minutes or five hours. When I awoke, He was gone. The darkness had fleeted, and the sky was clear, crisp and blue. I was alone on the rocky hillside dressed in some type of white garment. My dark overcoat or robe that I wore earlier was gone. I reached into the pocket of this new garment, to find a pure, bright, sparkling piece of white paper that held my name. Just below my name was written in crimson, "Washed by the Blood of the Lamb".
That is all I remembered when I woke in my own bed the next morning. It was a dream beyond any dream that has ever danced in my head during my sleep. It was a dream that I have never forgotten. It was a dream that has defined my life from that day forward. I was washed. I was clean. The sins of my life turned to dust with one touch of His blood. Thank you Lord for showing me in a very literal way the awesome grace you have bestowed on me. It has been more then twelve years since that moment. I now live my life free of the guilt and the shame. I am free of my shackles.
My "white" garment continues to get stained with my sin and mistakes. I will never be sin free or perfect. However, if I return to the cross whenever I get a new box of shame in my pocket, it will always disappear with one drop of His blood. What an Amazing Grace.
*This a different post from some of my others, however I was moved to share this today for whatever reason or purpose. Maybe it was for YOUR eyes. If that is ringing true for YOU, please know the gift is a free one. All YOU have to do is go to the cross!
Lumpy Out-
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